Xanga TV

Weblog

Friday, 04 December 2009

  • Do you accept yourself?

    I have always accepted who I am.  I'm thick...that's fine.  I'm filipino white...that's cool.  I have dark hair and eyes, and I'm quite tanned..ok!  ^_^

    What I don't undersand are those that can't accept who they are!  Those who are thick and turn to the unhealthy way of loosing weight by starving themselves, throwing up after binging, and taking laxatives to just shit their weight away.  Sadly it's not to loose weight gradually to look healthy, it's to loose weight drastically to be so skinny that they look like skeletons.  It's not only terrible for your health that you probably cut your life short, but it's also not sexy to have no curves.  Women are beatiful, because of curves.  Women are soft, and curvy, and have ass and boobs!  Women who don't have these due to drastic weight loss...just imagine the sex.  It's hurting the guy....a lot! 

    Besides that I can't stand asians with blonde hair and blue eyes.  We have dark features, because it fits us.  To go to an extreme of lightening your hair and eyes looks un natural.  I get highlights, and maybe light brown eyes, but the blond and blue eyes....err...no.  However I guess that's just me.

    Last is the race of a person.  Some don't accept their own race, and that I REALLY DON'T GET!  For every race there is a flaw.  Asians are stuck up and rude, hispanics are baby makers, blacks are ghetto, whites are hicks and so on.  So no one should think that their race is superior to another nor should someone dislike their own race!!  Accept who you are, and who you ar a part off.  Don't disregard it, because there are some who aren't perfect.  No race is perfect! None ever will be! 

    So I love myself.  I'm thick, but if I want to be fit I'll loose it the healthy way.  I love my brown eyes, and I occasionally change my hair color to different shades of brown, but it still looks natural!  I love my race despite it's flaws, because I not only see the flaws, but the beauty of my culture.  For all those factors creates me....^_^

  • All cried out..

    I'm in a state of sadness, but yet too numb to show my emotions.  I just don't feel too much today.  Mostly sadness.  Loneliness.  I never thought It would come to this.  I was so hopeful.  Now here I am.  Feeling this way.  Hopefully it eventually goes away.  It's really hard on me.  I'm guessing he moved on.  He was ready for this more than I was.  There use to be so much hope in him, and now it's gone.  I still had that hope, but now all is lost.

    I can't cry anymore.  I'm that numb.  I can't really eat.  I can't fully enjoy life to it's full extent.  He took such a huge part of me.  I did so much I wouldn't do for anyone else.  Yet here I am, and it feels I have nothing.  I can't get out of this hole I was thrown in.  My friends think I'm ok.  I was faking it.  I know it's what they wanted to see.  I'm the total opposite of what they saw yesterday.  I just didn't want to bring down anyones mood, because I'm all bummed.  

    I'm trying to get my mind off this by studying.  Working on school to keep me occupied and being around friends.  If that works this time.  It worked on my last ex, but it's because I was loosing my love.  But for this one.  It's still there.  It's still strong.  I wish I never loved, because when I do.  I'm somehow on the loosing end. 

  • FUCK LOVE

    I am so confused.  He ended it. Basically he just has no hope for us, nor does he want to try. 

    Am I sad.  Yes.  Angry...more than anyone can know.  I feel like I wasted three years of my love for a guy who won't even try.  For a guy who says he sacrificed a lot for the relationship.  And I didn't?  He sacrificed and won't do it just for a little bit more.  My love has always been unconditional, and so strong I will sacrifice myself for him.  I guess he didn't feel the same.  I guess I wasn't worth it. Love is just a word said to me, but not shown by actions.  When we tried one last time..I was so fucken patient.  Patient when I asked who text him and he called me nosy.  What I do?  Told him I'll take a walk for him to cool down instead of cuss him out for being a douche.  Patient when he decided to hide that a friend of his (who was mine first) is invited to his mother's birthday (btw I wasn't).  I express my hurt of being lied to.  Patient to him not trying, while I did!!!!  AND THAT IS NOT PATIENT!?!?!  He said he wanted space.  I didn't text him so he can think?  I didn't call him or even contact him?  So he can do what he wants that night which is hang out with friends.  THAT IS NOT SPACE!?!?!   

    I guess I was just so fucken stupid to even think love truly fixes everything.  I was a fool.  I guess I should just do what is easy.  Not fall in love anymore.  Be selfish, because not being selfish is a waste of energy.  Why even try to love someone, when they will fuck you over anyways.  Especially when you are trying.  I guess in his head..I didn't sacrifice.  I guess in his head...I didn't do anything to fix things

    Well in my head.  He is selfish.  In my head..he doens't love me anymore. In my head it was drugs and friends first.  In my head...I never want to fall in love, because I'm tired of getting hurt by the guys I give my heart too.  They all just step on it.  

    NEVER AGAIN!!! 

Wednesday, 02 December 2009

  • You cannot change a person

    The funniest thing about getting into a realtionship is how one person in the relationship will always feel that they can change their bf/gf.  Mostly women have this tendency of thinking they can change a man.  Funny huh?

    That's why women have a tendency of getting with bad boys.  Like cheaters, mental and physical abusers, and disrespectful tools in general.  They think in their little sad hopeful mind, that if they loved the guy hard enough, that he will change.  Well..unfortunately that doesn't always work.  Some guys will change, genuinely good guys who are in love with their gf/wife.  Some don't.  Some continue to act foolish, hurting their gf imensely, and just not giving a rats ass because they know the girl will stay, and they see no reason to change. 

    See the thing is no one will change, because only they will be the reason for their change.  If they feel they won't benefit from their ways, and feel that it's worth it changing to make things better, than they will.  You can't assume they will change by staying, sometimes in order to change the sitation..you change yourself or leave.  Leave if he/she beats you or mentally abuses you.  It's never worth trying to build up a relationship and ruin yourself in the process. To coninue to stay makes you delusional.  It's not love anymore.  Love is never an excuse to stay either...

    Besides relationships even family.  My mom is goin through problems with her sister..one who is taking money that is rightfully hers (Norma), and the other flip flopping on weather she should feel bad for the sister that took the money because she has breast cancer, or listen to my mom (Alice).  My mom worries even more, because of this dilema.  I told my mom to tell my aunt Alice that if she is just not going to make a stand and keep flip flopping, than to just stop talking to my mom about my aunt Norma whenever she calls.  If my mom keeps listening to the bullcrap that my aunt Alice talks about, than she'll constantly stress herself out over something that shouldn't matter anymore.  It's an on going cycle for years now.  Hopefull my mom follows the actions I asked of her.  She worries me. 

    Anyways..just understand this doesn't apply to all, but most.  So don't change the person, just change yourself.

     

Tuesday, 01 December 2009

  • Does Romeo even exist? Romeo oh Romeo! BWUAHAHA

    I was inspired by a blog a fellow xangan wrote.  It was very cute, and for all the girls out there who love to read cute things..here is the link: http://katharsis.xanga.com/717515728/juliet/ 

    So life is quite complicated.  You want to meet that perfect guy, and when you think you have, you encounter problems.  I must admit I have been encountering problems in my relationship when it was so perfect a year before, than I continued to lie to myself that it still was.  Ok so it wasn't.  However I love him, my boyfriend, and he loves me.  I hope that he realizes that.  I hope he sees how hard I try to make us happy, and how much I just want to be happy like we use to.  He has changed.  He knows it.  I know it.  I wish he was on a mission to bring back the guy I fell in love with and brought me to think that he's my soul mate.  Yes I believe in soul mates.  Don't you?

    I always felt love does have it's ups and downs.  I just didn't think there will be times that it would have so many downs.  I don't like this roller coaster.  I'd like to get off thank you!  But how?  When your seatbelt is on, and jumping off could risk your life.  Leaving could risk loosing the love of your life, and you might regret it.  Is it worth it?  I am a fighter.  There is still enough fight and love in me to keep going.  I hope he knows that.   One day I won't have the love, and the fight will be gone. 

    Wait...I don't want  Romeo..I don't even care if he exist!  THAT FUCKEN STORY WAS A TRAGEDY!! I REFUSE TO DIE FOR A MAN!!!!  You just never surely know if that man will die for you.  Right? Maybe I'm just scared...

    I guess I'm just having a little conversation with myself.  Figuring out the negative sides to loving someone unconditionally.  To love someone so much it hurts, and to accept his flaws no matter what.  I always accepted his flaws..I wish he would just see how much I love him.  How much I care.  How much I put my heart on the line just so he could poke at it.  I want him to take care of my heart.  Like I have always taken care of his.  I want to be happily in love again. 

    SO FUCK ROMEO AND JULIET.  I just want a happy ending..

    FIN!

LadyAsianInvasion

  • Visit LadyAsianInvasion's Xanga Site
    • Name: LadyAsianInvasion
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 10/7/2008
    • True

Weblog Archives

Don't worry - your calendar is here… to see it in action just click "Save" above and refresh the page.

About Me

  • i'm just so crazy it's retarded!

Subscriptions

Blogrings

[no blogrings]

Pulse

Chatboard (16)

  • ac112112112
    Part Time Work. Full Time Income. Age Is No Barrier. If you're sick you get paid, if it's a holiday you get paid, if it's raining you get paid! We've got a really, really nice full time income, working just part time from home. WELCOME TO JOIN GDI : http://freedom.ws/a0956110155 I a
  • Russian_HK
    nice to see you
  • Ampbreia
    That's cute. Html code disappears entirely here. So if you need to see a sample of the code I'm talking about, go and look at the test sample I left as a comment to your pulse.
  • Ampbreia
    Okay. I figured out how to do it, only it can only be done in your blog, not as pulse. 1. Go in and put your html code there in blog in the format of: and whatever else you want to write around it. 2. Post/Submit. It'll be wonky wrong. 3. Edit. Choose the html edit function. Delete the wonkines
  • DearSnippie
    do you have AIM?
  • DearSnippie
    thanks for coming to my chat tonight! I cant wait to read all your blogs now :)
  • LadyAsianInvasion
    @thatgirlismeee - no problemo! ^_^
  • thatgirlismeee
    hey there ! i just looked over my blog just today . thanks for the advise . im posting a new entry a little bit later . things got worse and complicated ;) happy holidays !
  • lonelywanderer2
    G'night!
  • LadyAsianInvasion
    @lonelywanderer2 - ohhhh! lol i see it. dunno if that is real. lol. well good night..it's 12:40 here, and i gotta go shopping tomorrow! lol. night night!