I have always accepted who I am.  I'm thick...that's fine.  I'm filipino white...that's cool.  I have dark hair and eyes, and I'm quite tanned..ok!  ^_^

What I don't undersand are those that can't accept who they are!  Those who are thick and turn to the unhealthy way of loosing weight by starving themselves, throwing up after binging, and taking laxatives to just shit their weight away.  Sadly it's not to loose weight gradually to look healthy, it's to loose weight drastically to be so skinny that they look like skeletons.  It's not only terrible for your health that you probably cut your life short, but it's also not sexy to have no curves.  Women are beatiful, because of curves.  Women are soft, and curvy, and have ass and boobs!  Women who don't have these due to drastic weight loss...just imagine the sex.  It's hurting the guy....a lot! 

Besides that I can't stand asians with blonde hair and blue eyes.  We have dark features, because it fits us.  To go to an extreme of lightening your hair and eyes looks un natural.  I get highlights, and maybe light brown eyes, but the blond and blue eyes....err...no.  However I guess that's just me.

Last is the race of a person.  Some don't accept their own race, and that I REALLY DON'T GET!  For every race there is a flaw.  Asians are stuck up and rude, hispanics are baby makers, blacks are ghetto, whites are hicks and so on.  So no one should think that their race is superior to another nor should someone dislike their own race!!  Accept who you are, and who you ar a part off.  Don't disregard it, because there are some who aren't perfect.  No race is perfect! None ever will be! 

So I love myself.  I'm thick, but if I want to be fit I'll loose it the healthy way.  I love my brown eyes, and I occasionally change my hair color to different shades of brown, but it still looks natural!  I love my race despite it's flaws, because I not only see the flaws, but the beauty of my culture.  For all those factors creates me....^_^

I am so confused.  He ended it. Basically he just has no hope for us, nor does he want to try. 

Am I sad.  Yes.  Angry...more than anyone can know.  I feel like I wasted three years of my love for a guy who won't even try.  For a guy who says he sacrificed a lot for the relationship.  And I didn't?  He sacrificed and won't do it just for a little bit more.  My love has always been unconditional, and so strong I will sacrifice myself for him.  I guess he didn't feel the same.  I guess I wasn't worth it. Love is just a word said to me, but not shown by actions.  When we tried one last time..I was so fucken patient.  Patient when I asked who text him and he called me nosy.  What I do?  Told him I'll take a walk for him to cool down instead of cuss him out for being a douche.  Patient when he decided to hide that a friend of his (who was mine first) is invited to his mother's birthday (btw I wasn't).  I express my hurt of being lied to.  Patient to him not trying, while I did!!!!  AND THAT IS NOT PATIENT!?!?!  He said he wanted space.  I didn't text him so he can think?  I didn't call him or even contact him?  So he can do what he wants that night which is hang out with friends.  THAT IS NOT SPACE!?!?!   

I guess I was just so fucken stupid to even think love truly fixes everything.  I was a fool.  I guess I should just do what is easy.  Not fall in love anymore.  Be selfish, because not being selfish is a waste of energy.  Why even try to love someone, when they will fuck you over anyways.  Especially when you are trying.  I guess in his head..I didn't sacrifice.  I guess in his head...I didn't do anything to fix things

Well in my head.  He is selfish.  In my head..he doens't love me anymore. In my head it was drugs and friends first.  In my head...I never want to fall in love, because I'm tired of getting hurt by the guys I give my heart too.  They all just step on it.  

NEVER AGAIN!!! 

I was inspired by a blog a fellow xangan wrote.  It was very cute, and for all the girls out there who love to read cute things..here is the link: http://katharsis.xanga.com/717515728/juliet/ 

So life is quite complicated.  You want to meet that perfect guy, and when you think you have, you encounter problems.  I must admit I have been encountering problems in my relationship when it was so perfect a year before, than I continued to lie to myself that it still was.  Ok so it wasn't.  However I love him, my boyfriend, and he loves me.  I hope that he realizes that.  I hope he sees how hard I try to make us happy, and how much I just want to be happy like we use to.  He has changed.  He knows it.  I know it.  I wish he was on a mission to bring back the guy I fell in love with and brought me to think that he's my soul mate.  Yes I believe in soul mates.  Don't you?

I always felt love does have it's ups and downs.  I just didn't think there will be times that it would have so many downs.  I don't like this roller coaster.  I'd like to get off thank you!  But how?  When your seatbelt is on, and jumping off could risk your life.  Leaving could risk loosing the love of your life, and you might regret it.  Is it worth it?  I am a fighter.  There is still enough fight and love in me to keep going.  I hope he knows that.   One day I won't have the love, and the fight will be gone. 

Wait...I don't want  Romeo..I don't even care if he exist!  THAT FUCKEN STORY WAS A TRAGEDY!! I REFUSE TO DIE FOR A MAN!!!!  You just never surely know if that man will die for you.  Right? Maybe I'm just scared...

I guess I'm just having a little conversation with myself.  Figuring out the negative sides to loving someone unconditionally.  To love someone so much it hurts, and to accept his flaws no matter what.  I always accepted his flaws..I wish he would just see how much I love him.  How much I care.  How much I put my heart on the line just so he could poke at it.  I want him to take care of my heart.  Like I have always taken care of his.  I want to be happily in love again. 

SO FUCK ROMEO AND JULIET.  I just want a happy ending..

FIN!